Article

Mom, Dad, Dollars and Sense

Why It’s A Difficult Subject

Money plays a central role in our lives. Most of us spend many years trying to accumulate enough of it to retire gracefully and, hopefully, leave some behind to benefit our children and grandchildren.

As the traditional family takes root, it is the parents who provide guidance and control on financial matters. Later on, as the roles reverse, most children do not want to be construed as “greedy” or motivated by personal gain in broaching these matters with their parents.

Rather than being misinterpreted, if handled as a sign of concern and love, there should be no shame in questioning your parents about the nature of their finances, the decisions they have made and are making, and whether or not they will be secure to the end of their lives. It is perfectly normal to wonder about the state of inheritance, particularly if all parties concerned want to make sure that the taxman is denied any windfall due to lack of estate planning.

Why It’s Important

It may be difficult to address certain issues while your parents are in good health … long-term care, making arrangements in the event of physical or mental incapacity, etc. But this is precisely the time to do so. A sudden medical crisis can lead to hasty decisions made under extreme stress. Plan ahead now by finding out everything you will need to know to cope under these very trying circumstances.

What You Will Need to Know

To save time and aggravation in the future, find out the location of each of these important papers and make sure that you will have ready access to them should you need them in a hurry:

1. wills and powers of attorney
2. insurance policies
3. stocks and other investments
4. birth and marriage certificates
5. deeds of property ownership
6. income tax records
7. records of debt

Also, find out where key elements in your parents’ financial dealings can be contacted. These include bank accounts, safety deposit boxes and keys to desks and filing cabinets where records are being stored.

Finally, acquaint yourself with the names of the people who have been involved in your parents’ financial affairs over the years. They may be called upon in the future to assist you in carrying out certain legal obligations that must be addressed. These include the names of their lawyer, accountant, financial advisor, insurance agent, stock broker and banker.

How to Talk About These Matters

Once you know what information you will need to gather, it is time to sit down and talk. Here are a few pointers:

1. Pick a time when no one is rushed and all can feel relaxed.

2. Involve as many siblings as possible to prevent future conflicts.

3. Listen carefully, avoid criticizing, arguing and interrupting … it is probably not too late to make helpful suggestions if you have areas of concern.

4. Be patient … not all issues can necessarily be discussed in just one sitting.

5. Remember – this entire exercise may be just as uncomfortable for them as it is for you!

Money may often be a source of anxiety in seniors’ lives even if they have enough to feel financially secure for the rest of their days. They may find relief in talking these matters over with their children and may find solace in the evolving parent/child relationship. Discussions about money may lead to other important topics such as funeral arrangements that have never been brought up before. Respect your parents’ continuing right to control their lives. Only if they are physically or mentally incapable should you consider taking over decision making. But make sure you have all the details you will need to know, should this ever become necessary.

Article ©1999 The Quarterly Dividend
Reprinted with permission